Letters from a Perfect Imperfectionist

I’ve been thinking about integrity a lot recently.

I’m not sure whether its my age, my business disasters in 2012/13, my experiences on The Island with Bear Grylls, my knock on the head – or what?

Life is undoubtedly good right now.

7connections coaching, MagicBox and Artisan (Lifecycle Marketing – done for you) going like a train.

Family in good shape.

Home a pleasure.

Health and fitness getting better.

Enjoying the job, the clients, most of the travel, the team, our work with Bridge2Aid, innovation, connection, networking and more opportunity than I can remember.

The future looks bigger, better and brighter.

There is one storm cloud looming – the Inland Revenue are slowly calculating back taxes arising from those earlier business disasters and there will come a time when I get a demand for payment of a very, very large sum of money that I just haven’t got.

Everyone around me, including professional advisors is advising me to simply pull the plug.

More than once I have heard:

“why spend the next x years paying off the Revenue, when you can declare insolvency, duck under the battlements for a while and then pick up where you left off and start accumulating wealth again.”

The liabilities involved are legitimate – money was earned, tax was due and a lot of broken promises from other people (with whom I am thankfully no longer connected) left me stranded on a raft (I’m good at rafts) after the ship had sunk.

I’ve spent over 16 months thinking about this.

The pragmatist suggests that the money involved is loose change to the Exchequer, that other people and organisations duck and dive and fiddle billions away from the Revenue (sat here with a Starbucks as I type) and that my future earning potential would be better invested in my own financial security and that of those around me.

But I have thought about it until my brain aches – and I simply cannot bring myself to do it.

I’ve concluded that I’m going to offer to pay my dues – no matter how long it takes.

Because, frankly, the integrity of that decision actually means more to me than the money itself.

Would I rather work my nuts off until I’m 70 and have a clear conscience – or – go bust, serve my time and then sit in a Greek holiday home for 3 months every year, knowing that I paid for it with tax money avoided?

I have recently been unofficially advising a friend on a business deal that involves him with individuals who I know of old to be without ethics or morals.

Fortunately, my friend is very much on the periphery of the “deal” and involved only to the extent that he may dispose of an asset and walk away. He actually cannot lose, thankfully, but we have watched in astonishment at some of the tactics employed.

Perhaps this has been the catalyst in my current frame of mind.

As I approach the autumn of my career and continue to simplify my life – the search for peace of mind has led me inexorably towards the conclusion that a self-imposed bankruptcy gives me a financial springboard after a period of quiet – but robs me of any moral high-ground when advising others or looking at myself in the mirror.

My soul wants to pay the debt to society, no matter how long it takes, so that I can hold my head high.

I want my children to remember me as a bloke who tried his best to be a hero.

When I advise my clients I want them to trust me based on my actions rather than words.

When I ask clients to support Bridge2Aid I don’t want an internal dialogue that the tax I have avoided could have trained a lot of health workers.

Of course, the decision may be taken out of my hands.

The same advisors who cry “declare” also tell me that Revenue Collections are highly unlikely to accept a repayment proposal that I would regard as achievable – and so they may pull the trigger on me.

If they do – my conscience is clear – I offered to pay and they refused.

The negotiations have dragged on since early 2013 – an elephant in the room whilst we have been building 7c (and I want to thank my business partners and fellow team members, who have shared ever step of the journey and offered support and encouragement that have kept me sane).

I also want to make it clear that my personal circumstances are separate from 7connections and will in no way affect the business or my friends within.

The denouement is likely over the next few months – I don’t know when but we seem to be moving into the end game.

I’ve thought long and hard about sharing this story with you here – and want to continue the tradition of transparency that has won me many friends over the years.

Rather that than some anti-Chris Barrow sociopath posting a “have you heard?” on the web or gossiping at a conference.

There is an old saying that you should never tell other people your problems, because 80% don’t care and 20% are glad. Cynical perhaps and I take that risk here.

I’m certainly not going to be asking for a hand out but hope that you will respect my authenticity and follow the story as it develops with more than just a morbid curiosity. 

Perhaps wish me luck?

A few days ago I published a blog post on The Uncompromised Business and, in my haste, completely forgot to give attribution to my good friend and sometimes client Ron Renaud, business and personal coach from the USA.

My Skype call with Ron a few days before the post was an inspiration to toughen up my own act and start typing on the matter.

Credit then to a great man who is creating compelling content on the subject of accepting nothing less than the best for yourself.

You can read all about that if you CLICK HERE

Definition:

A flying buttress is a specific form of buttressing most strongly associated with Gothic church architecture. The purpose of any buttress is to resist the lateral forces pushing a wall outwards (which may arise from stone vaulted ceilings or from wind-loading on roofs) by redirecting them to the ground. The defining characteristic of a flying buttress is that the buttress is not in contact with the wall like a traditional buttress; lateral forces are transmitted across an intervening space between the wall and the buttress.

Flying buttress systems have two key components – a massive vertical masonry block (the buttress) on the outside of the building and a segmental or quadrant arch bridging the gap between that buttress and the wall (the “flyer”).

Moral:

I spend a lot of time listening to…..

Employers who are bullied and victimised by their employees behaviour.

Business owners who are bullied and victimised by their bank.

Professional sales people who are bullied and victimised by their customers.

Breadwinners who are bullied and victimised by their own families.

They seem to get dragged into a fight they cannot win and pay the price of emotional exhaustion.

Sometimes it isn’t necessary for us to be the hero and take the pressure.

Sometimes it’s OK to say:

“I don’t want to have that conversation right now.”

“It isn’t necessary for me to play the game you want to play.”

“You are the solution to your problem – not me.”

“I didn’t make you feel that way – you made you feel that way.”

“Go ahead and sue me.”

You can redirect the pressures that other people put you under into the ground.

You don’t have to take part in their rackets.

The first rule of martial arts is to “walk away”.

It doesn’t make you a coward – it makes you a smart survivor.

Create some flying buttresses in your life by learning to say “no”.

The Uncompromised Business

What is your response when:

• a prospective patient tells you that they like your treatment plan but they can get a better price elsewhere?
• a prospective new or existing employee or sub-contractor tells you that they have been offered a higher salary/fee/percentage at another place?
• a prospective coaching client tells you that another coach has offered to get there quicker or charge less?

Answer…

…wish them all the best and wave goodbye.

You see, if you make a “better offer” they have seen you compromise for business – and they know they can ask you to do the same over and over again.

The compromise makes you look weak and it gives them permission to repeat.

You can never trust them again – but neither can they trust you – because your first offer was clearly a lie.

Its tough isn’t it?

80% of the time I stick to my guns and say “no compromise”.

20% of the time I forget my own standards and give in. 

When I compromise, it always costs me emotional energy, time and money.

The love has left the room and the name becomes a heartsink in my calendar – the relationship eats me, it doesn’t feed me.

Don’t compromise.

Ever.

(except when you forget)

Thoughts on how to get picked for Series 2 of The Island

Before we start:

• I have zero influence with Shine TV and their casting team
• I cannot guarantee that what I am going to say will increase your chances
• You read at your own peril and it contains strong language
• You can ask me any polite question
• I don’t need your feedback on whether this is a good post or not

My only qualification is that I made it to series 1 and enjoyed the trip of a lifetime.

I’m not selling anything here – not asking you to vote for me – in fact my principle motivation in writing this post is to gain more followers for my personal blog, as I’ll continue to share periodic thoughts about The Island experience during the summer.

I blog personally as a catharsis, professionally to help grow my business – this post is personal but I’m also vain enough to want other people to read it.

The feedback we have had from Shine TV is that they worked through about 3,000 applications for series 1 and that, last time we spoke, applications for series 2 had topped 77,000 and were still rising.

An astonishing response and an indication of the popularity of the show and the deep-rooted desire in the hearts and minds of many 21st Century Brits to have their own experience of “escape” from the demands of modern life.

Following the tweets and other social media posts during and after the broadcasts was entertaining whilst somewhat predictable:

• the feminist thread
• the “its all a fake” thread
• the “how dare they kill animals for entertainment” thread
• and, of course, the “person X is a cock” thread(s)

..but interlaced with all that were some genuine expressions of frustration with the shallowness of the rat race and a desire for “more”, whatever that means.

What I can share with you (and in some ways this perhaps is the last thing I want to say and not the first) is that being on The Island didn’t provide the answers – it simply prompted more questions on the lines of “what matters most?” and “what the hell am I doing all this for?”

Currently I’m searching for solutions, making changes in my own life and enjoying the excellent new book by Arianna Huffington “Thrive”, in which she confesses that her considerable “Power” and Money” haven’t made her happy (read the opening paragraph) and that her search has led to the discovery of her “Third Metric”, namely:

• Well-being
• Wisdom
• Wonder
• Giving

Pause – your readers want to know how to get on the show CB – shut up and get on with it

I first noticed a web post about Series 1 in, of all things, a dental on-line magazine in the Autumn of last year and, having just celebrated by 60th birthday (and being in bucket list mood) reacted rather than responded, hit the link to the site and completed the on-line application form with some very blunt and honest comments about my life.

Tip 1 – tell the truth – all of it

The beginning of 2013 was a disaster for me in business – I lost my shirt – and I was brutally honest in my application to The Island that the scars of the events earlier in the year had left me wanting to prove to myself that I was a worthy human being. I’m busy as we speak re-building my business life (and doing very well thank you – it will be a long road) but back in September 2013 my confidence and self-esteem had taken some hard knocks and I needed to show ME that I could still accept a challenge, take a risk and overcome adversity.

A few weeks later I was completely surprised by a phone call from Shine TV and a request to attend a series of telephone interviews. In them, I continued to give very pragmatic answers to questions as to why I should be picked.

Tip 2 – don’t be a diplomat

You will not make it through by towing the line, being politically correct, saying what you “think they want to hear”.

The casting team are experienced professionals, they have a brief as to what to look for (and now the experience of what worked and what didn’t in series 1) and they have done this plenty more times than you have – so if their considerable intuition is that you are bull-shitting – then they can smell it and you will be dropped.

Be the real you.

Having said all that, there are some common sense areas that it would be intelligent to be aware of.

Tip 3 – don’t be a prick

Its not smart, funny or wise to talk about other people in disparaging terms, to single out individuals or groups to be stereotyped or labelled.

An easy 80% of the social media posts during the show were just drivel from pricks.

Defined (by me) as people expressing opinions about people they don’t know, based on superficial facts.

We filmed 2500+ hours on The Island and you saw 5 hours – so the representation of any individual was based on the decisions of the editing team to take 0.2% of the available footage to make a story. Television will inevitably do that and the skill of good editing is to try and have you look through that keyhole and gain a sense of the whole view. The editing team on The Island did a magnificent job but not everyone is as they seemed.

I’ll bet that, like many others, you were surprised and delighted by Episode 6, when the editing team let their hair down and showed you some of the back-stage stuff that we were up to?

Imagine if there had been 13 episodes, one per Islander – you would have learned a lot more about each of us – and we are all fascinating!

If you want to make it to series 2 – give 100% of yourself and let the professionals decide which 0.2% of you they intend to feature. Don’t make it easy for them to choose the wrong 0.2%.

The Island isn’t a game, isn’t a contest – its a social experiment that draws on genuine examples of modern society – please God it doesn’t follow the trend of Big Brother and degenerate into a freak show. Freaks need not apply? Fingers crossed.

If you are lucky, you may well be invited to a filmed audition (I have no way of knowing). If that happens then be good on camera.

Tip 4 – read up on some basic camera awareness

I’m a natural on camera because I have a big ego, crave attention and have done lots of public speaking.

You may have noticed that nobody on series 1 looked very camera shy.

You don’t have to be a complete natural – but you do have to regard the camera as a friend and not develop hives every time it appears. Like anything else it takes practice – so if you get the call – take a friend and a handy-cam somewhere and spend a few hours talking to a camera until any nerves or inhibitions settle down – its an investment that may well pay you back.

In the professional world, you have to learn to be natural. Its a skill.

Tip 5 – get permissions before you get too deep in

We were away from home for 5 weeks and out of contact with our loved ones for 4 weeks.

I’m lucky enough to run my own business but I did ask my family, business partners and clients well in advance of the trip – so that everyone knew exactly what was going to happen.

I heard that one chap made it to the show THEN asked his employers for time off – and was turned down. I cannot imagine how gutted he must have been at the time and, perhaps, even more so when the show aired.

Tip 6 – don’t swot

We were asked NOT to read up on or watch survival shows – and we respected that.

The whole point is “can a bunch of softies survive?” and if you regularly spend your weekends sleeping under hedgerows and rummaging in green wheelie bins in the Lake District then I would suggest your chances are low.

Take 13 SAS experts and drop them on an island – yawn.

Take 13 survival muppets who cannot light a fire – what time is it on?

Tip 7 – manage your expectations and believe in the possibility virus

I had a 1 in 230 chance of making to The Island and I succeeded.

You may have a 1 in 6,000 chance of making it to The Island and you can succeed.

The final team of 2015 islanders will be some of the luckiest people in Britain – firstly because the success of series 1 has assured extra time, money and people for series 2 (we are all very jealous), secondly because the media hype around series 2 will be awesome and thirdly because if you have half the fun we had (in the good times and the bad) you will have more fun than you can imagine.

I came away with new lifelong friends, a little taste of stardom, education in the workings of TV and a new version of me that I like to think is getting better, looking to “Thrive”.

There is ABSOLUTELY NO REASON why that cannot be you, if you follow some simple guidelines and act as authentically as you can.

I genuinely wish you every success.

Statements that famous people never made

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

Gandhi

I was attending a trade show a few weeks ago and noticed a stand that appeared to be offering coaching services (and good luck to them).

Behind a desk full of printed material were the usual pop-up displays, one of which was plastered with all of those quotes that us coachy types like to pull out of our Mary Poppins bag of goodies and bedazzle you with.

One-liners that demonstrate your inadequacy and promote the need to look at yourself in a mirror that we are holding for you (invoice in the other hand).

The coaches’ strap line:

“you’re broken – Mr Gandhi/Kennedy/Napoleon/Einstein says so – but I can fix you.“

Sorry to disappoint but the above words about change were never uttered or written by their illustrious claimed originator.

The nearest verifiable quotation that we do have reads:

“If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. … We need not wait to see what others do.”

source – Brian Morton – The New York Times

I can imagine the PR guys saying “Thats very wise Mr Gandhi but it isn’t going to fit anywhere – don’t worry, Jimmy at the office will work on it for you.”

At some stage, “Jimmy” has taken the original statement and turned it into a Tweet-sized bite that can adorn a bumper, brochure or badge.

A little research on Google will reveal many other examples of this phenomenon, some of which have been desiccated to fit into smaller places, others attributed to celebrities who don’t own the original IP – why?

We seem to like our mantras and mottos – things we can remember without having to tax our brains – nursery rhymes, prayers and oaths of allegiance – but celebrity endorsement adds a special flavour of authenticity by hi-jacking the reputation of the alleged author.

I suppose its just the same as any endorsement – that watch must keep time better because George Clooney is wearing one.

My perfume will knock ‘em dead because Keira Knightley wears it.

Surely if I wear the same shoes as Christiano, my game will improve?

We give uncanny credit to such testimonials and tributes – they influence our buying decisions and all the research supports that.

Pity then, the celebrity found to be a bad boy or girl nowadays, facing the loss of millions in endorsement fees if they are found chasing girls whilst in wedlock, fiddling the odds or nibbling an opponent.

Now that science has demonstrated how influenced we are by these Hallmark quotes, I think we should adapt this trend to more every-day signage:

“Please do not park in front of my drive”

Nelson Mandela

“No running, jumping, diving or splashing in the pool.”

Mother Theresa

“Any rude behaviour towards our employees will be considered an infringement of their human rights and our staff have been instructed to call the police in the event of intimidation.”

Aristotle

“you should brush your teeth and floss every day.”

Winston Churchill

It does have a certain gravitas doesn’t it?

Every single one of the above quotes has exactly the same authenticity as Mr Gandhi’s request for change – so why not?

You may have noticed that it helps considerably if the so-called authors are dead.

In conclusion:

“every self-respecting dentist needs a business coach – and Chris Barrow is the best.”

Abraham Lincoln (at his other address)

At the wedding reception we attended last Saturday evening in Devon, I was possessed by the spirit of Michael Flatley and spent a good part of the evening bouncing around on the make-shift wooden floor of the marquee like an epileptic Irishman, to the sound of a fantastic folk/rock band.

It is good for the soul to dance until the sweat pours down your face and drenches your clothes, knowing that you are sobering up in the process and also using enough calories to justify (in your own mind at least) adding to the huge meal you enjoyed earlier, with the hog roast at midnight.

I’ve always loved dancing (no matter how badly) and a little known fact about CB is that I attended ballroom classes as a young teenager, making my way to Browns Dancing School above the Co-op on Stockport Road, Levenshulme, Manchester, every Saturday morning for a few years, achieving certification in quickstep, waltz, foxtrot and other basic routines.

Later, Browns became a skinhead disco and I shaved my head and donned the white t-shirts, half-masted jeans and Doc Martins to boot (you might say) (that was the later 60’s) but in my time I could pull some pretty good moves around the shiny floor, with a variety of female partners, none of whom I had the courage to ask on a date.

Perhaps, in another life, I would have graced the Tower Ballroom had my early interest become a passion and, I’m tempted to say, had I been encouraged by my parents – but that push wasn’t forthcoming and, although I excelled on the floorboards, the temptations of Bulmer’s Woodpecker Cider, Brew Ten, Players Number 6, Motown and the camaraderie of hard-nuts tempted me away to a life of mischief.

The spirit lay dormant, however, and was later re-vitalised by Sunday evening visits to The Ritz on Whitworth Street in Central Manchester (late 60’s) where I could execute quite a few decent routines to the sounds of Northern Soul.

As an aside – there I remember watching Brazil knock England out of the World Cup 1970 in one of the greatest football games ever played (ah – remember when we were world-class).

Along came marriages (2), children (5 – second wife), mortgages, school fees, career, business success, business failure, house moves, marathons, holidays and a million other events. 

“The dance” was buried miles below the sedimentary layers of modern life, slowly fossilising under the gravity of responsibility – occasional erupting volcanically at weddings, parties and special events – but, like any muscle not exercised, it atrophies and is only capable of the simplest of motions.

It’s called “dad-dancing”.

I’ve actually become quite proud of my version of the “embarrass your children” performance as it is steeped in the tradition of Wigan Pier and has never been influenced by a single Paloma Blanca or chicken of the funky persuasion.

Theres not a single bird-like flap in my repertoire – and, as age has descended upon me like a creeping flow of solidifying lava, my intricate steps may have slowed and the arms may not be gesticulating with quite the same fervour – but the intent is there. The body may not be as willing but my soul cries “freedom”.

Next time you see me at a dental dinner – come over and join me and allow your spirit to fly with mine.