Letters from a Perfect Imperfectionist

I have to say that one of my disappointments from The Island was seeing no more than about 15 seconds of footage, featuring Sam Nightingale and I rowing the raft out to sea in our (ultimately fruitless) quest for lobster.

Disappointing because the nets for the lobster pots (a.k.a. washed up drinks crates) took Sam and I two full days to weave and construct, then the raft itself was a 3-day hard-labour of love in 100 degree heat.

Of course, it is for the TV company to decide what makes the cut – and the viewing figures proved them right.

What I will cherish is the memory of putting the raft on the water for the first time, clambering aboard and rowing like fury with improvised oars (bamboo). We half-expected to sink without trace and there were cheers from the beach and high-fives on the vessel as we made our way slowly out into the bay and picked a spot over by the rocks on the left of the photo, to drop the pots with make-shift buoys to mark their position.

Three days we rowed back out and three times we pulled up empty pots – but at least we had a go.

On The Island we had no timepieces – and so gradually moved into a routine that was governed by two cycles:

• night and day
• the tide

Daybreak was around 06:00 and the older members of the party were always to be seen pottering about the beach first thing. In my own case frequently taking a morning dip in the ocean and washing the dirt and sand from the clothes I had worn in my forest bed the previous night.

Not everyone was so sprightly and often the first camp meeting to decide on the day’s action plan didn’t begin until 10:00, leaving just a couple of hours before the mid-day sun, which made activity very difficult.

So many of my mornings were invested in foraging, personal hygiene (such as it was), specific jobs like net and raft building – or helping the fishing team to pull the nets out and untangle whatever was in there, edible or not.

The tides dictated when we put the nets in and out of the water and as much of our staple diet was fish in the second half of the month, our meal times were equally governed by the 20 foot differential in the sea level.

From noon to about 16:00 the heat was a challenge and many afternoons were spent either sat around the camp fire waiting for fish to cook – or just asleep back in the forest and waiting for the temperature to fall.

Then, from 16:00 to 18:00, a couple of hours of work, before sunset and the return to full clothing as protection from sand flies and other critters of the night.

Typically, I was climbing back into my arboreal bunk bed by no later than 21:00.

In fact, looking back, I had more sleep on The Island than at any time since I was a schoolboy!

One of my favourite moments of the day was the last 45 minutes before sunset, when I developed the habit of dropping my sound pack over a tree branch and walking slowly the length of our beach (about 30 minutes each way) to the sculptures that Kiff had built (a collection of wood and other bits of nature that were fashioned into the equivalent of a Japanese garden) – there to sit and watch the most beautiful sunsets, alone and thinking as the pelicans plunged for their last meals of the day and shoals of silver fish leapt into the air and circled beneath the waves until the sea water became a foamy whirlpool.

Those sunset walks were moments that I will vividly recall for the rest of my life – the ultimate Zen.

Building rafts, weaving nets, gutting fish, building the camp, walking to and from the water supply, foraging across the island – all of these activities passed the time and engaged us to the extent that we were never bored.

But the silent moments of contemplation before the magnificent beauty of nature evoke the emotions that will linger on – and hauntingly call us back to a feeling of complete peace and freedom.

A great example of how best to use twitter to promote your practice. The Windsor Dental Twitter account has only just opened but Stacy understands that anyone who sees this tweet might just be in the post code and looking for a dentist – its a numbers game – so lets look at the numbers:

1. their own followers (19)

2. my followers (5,010)

3. The Island followers (13,800)

4. Bear Grylls followers (1,130,000)

Smart thinking.

http://www.mindmeister.com/maps/public_map_shell/425234474/7-steps-to-balance?width=600&height=400&z=auto&presentation=1

Good fun last night, presenting the 7th in our series of business webinars, this time on the subject of “balance”.

There is always something rather ironic about lecturing to people on their time and priority management, when your own family, friends and colleagues are telling you to “slow down”, because you are racing around the country lecturing to others on time management.

My bump on the head was a timely reminder that I’m not actually 28 years old and a measure of decorum may well seep into my performance and behaviour going forward.

Not running in the mornings is driving me crazy and my physical self-esteem (a.k.a vanity) is at a low ebb. I’ve been waiting for the dizzy spells to subside – they haven’t and so a trip to the chiropractor seems to be looming (when I can find a minute!) but I’m getting to the stage now where I’ll just get my trainers on and go out – damn the consequences. If they find me wobbling along a local river valley, so be it.

A beach holiday in August looms and I don’t want anyone saying “you look like that guy off The Island – but bigger”.

I remember the late, great Thomas Leonard observing that “we coach our clients on the things we need to learn the most”.

Preparing for the webinar reminded me of all things around which I need to sharpen up my act and the good material I have discovered over the years, from the giants on whose shoulders I have sat.

Stephen Covey – 7 habits

Dan Sullivan – Strategic Coach

Michael Gerber – The E-Myth Revisited

Seth Godin – his blog and “Tribes”

and many others whose books I have enjoyed and absorbed.

I spent some time last night reminding my audience that The Perfect Imperfectionist aims to be excellent 80% of the time and flawed 20% of the time.

Its OK – and any person or group who demand that you are 100% (fundamentalists) are to be avoided at all costs.

I’m a great coach 80% of the time – lousy 20%.

Same goes for being a life-partner, friend, Dad, team member, business partner, runner, writer, speaker, leader, manager, customer and so on.

Same goes for you – you can aim to be great at what you do 80% of the time – but aim to screw up 20% – it will make you a much nicer person to be around.

Demand 80% of others – not 100% – and stop rolling your eyes when they are not as wonderful as you think you are.

Just calm down a bit – OK? Whatever it is? Its not really that important.

Don’t ever be bullied by other people’s agendas, deadlines, threats or ultimatums – it isn’t actually life or death – they are just saying that to get your attention.

The difference between life or death is whether you are breathing or not – its not whether you completed a project on time, paid a bill, made a sale, hit a target, climbed a mountain, finished a challenge. Thats all just “stuff” and we can live fulfilled and happy lives without any “stuff” at all. 

“Stuff” just makes it all a bit more comfortable – but it doesn’t help us to breathe.

I thought I would share the mind map with you this morning – there are many ideas in there from the giants who I mentioned just now – and a few from me.

Enjoy.

A real honour last night to be back with most of the cast from The Island and also to re-unite with many of the Shine TV people and consultants that we met before, during and after the filming.

I was able to thank clinical psychologist Howie for his priceless advice on how to behave on The Island – “don’t be a prick” – and think I managed to take the lesson to heart.

Also an opportunity to meet many of the production team who worked with us in the Pacific, many un-sung heroes who edited and added music, light and other AV features back here in London – and to thank them all for the wonderful end product.

Heartwarming to hear many of them tell us that it was their finest hour to date professionally.

The news that applications for series 2 have now topped 77,000 (!) speaks volumes for the impact that the show had on the viewing audience of over 3 million – and perhaps more poignant is the fact that so many people want to relive our experience and, perhaps, test themselves or escape from their own reality?

I’m sure there must be many in that mix who are hoping to be “famous for being famous” and the challenge facing casting producer Kay Green and her team will be enormous.

Many of the original Shine crew have re-signed for the second series and there was a genuine buzz of excitement in the room last night as we all speculated on the, as yet, undecided format for the show – will it be all female, all male, mixed – nobody yet knows. 

I’m sure that, whatever they decide, it will be an instant hit in 2015.

Talking to my fellow Islanders last night, we all felt as if we were at a wake – celebrating “the deceased” and toasting the body as we counted our own blessings. It was truly lovely to chat to everyone about “life after” and listen to their experiences and emotions since returning.

It was a bittersweet evening as most of us 21st Century males are now facing the return to our “normal” lives and the momentary celebrity will begin to wane.

There were some rumblings that a few of the guys are going to progress to more media exposure – I’ll keep that confidential for now as I don’t want to spoil anyone’s chances – and genuinely hope that those who do seek further TV adventures will succeed.

My final comments pick up on a Facebook post from last night – we were delighted that Bear Grylls came along at all – even more so that he found the time in a very noisy and bustling room to engage each of us with some words of thanks and encouragement for our own lives going forward.

My own conversation with him will remain private – but he listened empathetically, offered some thoughts on aspects of my legacy from the show and congratulated me on starting the process of changing my life for the better over the next few years.

Bear is a busy man “living” a global brand – but the sign of true leadership is to be able to engage on a 1:1 basis for a few minutes and leave the other party in no doubt that they were genuinely appreciated for that time.

That was the highlight of my evening and his comments will stay with me.

It really is back to “being Chris Barrow” today – not such a bad thing – but I’m missing The Island, starvation and all – and the friendships we forged.

Note to self – do something about it.

I am very pleased and proud that my eldest daughter Rachel today joins her brother Jon on the 7connections website team page.

http://7connections.com/team/

Rachel has just completed her second year at Queen Mary, London, studying International Relations and accepted our offer of a marketing internship for the summer.

My expectation was that her 3 months in situ would be just about enough time to understand the complexities of our business.

That probably says more about me than her, as after 2 weeks she is already stepping up to the plate and assisting Jon with our own marketing.

The beauty of this is that it frees Jon’s time up to continue building the architecture for our bespoke dental lead generation systems – a mammoth task over the months ahead.

Rachel attended last week’s marketing meeting at the offices of ApexHub in Liverpool and today’s virtual team meeting on GTM (Go To Meeting), giving the rest of the team feedback on the highs and lows of her first fortnight.

A very nice moment for Dad, seeing two of his children holding their own and sharing the adventure.

I’ve seen a lot of playboys and playgirls lazing around in clients’ businesses over the last 30 years, many with silver spoons obstructing their progress.

Not so in the case of my own 5 children, all of whom know what hard work looks and feels like.

I don’t need to be proud of their achievements – they have nothing to prove to me – but I am proud of their work ethic – every one of them.

It is a great privilege to be able to work with two of them right now.

Arriving at The Park Plaza last night I was very grateful for some lovely dinner invitations but decided I was going to treat myself to an evening of solitude.

There comes a time when we all need a break from “being Chris Barrow” (substitute your own name).

On The South Bank last night I felt like a single blood cell, off to one side and watching the relentless stream of fellow corpuscles, cascading along the vein of the Thames Pathway, seeking the oxygenation of conversation, affection, entertainment, food and alcohol.

A part of me yearned for the same:

“Here I am on a warm, sunny Friday night in London amongst thousands and with a community of dental friends nearby – surely I want to be a part of what’s happening?”

There were moments when the urge to buy a few beers, seek out the camaraderie and gossip of the hotel bar, just to talk to someone, were overpowering – an embedded habit, difficult to shift.

Resisting the temptation, I just enjoyed my pie and mash and peacefully watched the world flow by.

“Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily – life is but a dream”

Later, I strolled along the pathway and stopped to record and listen to a Portuguese love song, contemplate the slow turn of The London Eye and observe families, lovers, students, joggers, cyclists, skateboarders, musicians and a few lone rangers like myself..

Thinking about the week just gone and the day head.

Speculating on the core beneath the onion skins of passers by.

Back to my hotel around 21:15 and, after a quick FaceTime with Annie and a read, off to bed for what turned out to be 7 hours of deep sleep and a 05:00 start, refreshed and ready.

Normally I would have been off in my jogging gear, either heading up to Kew or down to Tower Bridge but cerebral circumstances dictate that isn’t an option right now (cue cabin fever).

So the morning has been in my room and down at breakfast, in continued isolation, just “getting my head straight” both physically and metaphorically and now off to a busy day of B2B networking at Dentistry Live.

Just about to dive back into the bloodstream and start swimming – but I’ve enjoyed the silence outside my head and quietened the cacophony inside.

It was 1986 and after 16-years in financial services and a 5-year career with Hambro Life Assurance I had been promoted to my own level of incompetence – as sales manager of their Manchester direct sales branch – responsible (at the age of 33) for a 35-strong team of self-employed, commission-only insurance and pension sales people.

The “team” (if you could call it that – every man for himself) had been forged by my immediate predecessor Doug Roberts (a legend in the city) and every inch of the place was impregnated with his unique style.

I was David Moyes, taking over from Sir Alex.

Everybody paid lip-service to this young upstart with a track record of success in a different division of the company – but nobody really took me seriously.

I lasted about 15-months in the job, before volunteering my own resignation and moving on to become a happier and more successful independent salesman, out of corporate politics and head office interference, away from the daily whining of 80% of the sales team (“nobody wants to buy life assurance and pensions any more”) and the diva-like demands of the top 20%.

During those 15 months I drove every morning from my apartment in West Didsbury to the Hambro direct sales offices, a red-brick 70’s office block in Old Trafford.

The tower block was about 20 stories high and I could see the place from miles way as I sat in rush hour traffic on my way across town.

Every damn morning, the sight of the building made my heart sink.

Another day in that building, another exhausting routine of trying to keep everyone happy and pull knives out of my back.

Passion for the job – zero.

The money was brilliant, the prestige enormous, the company car an ego trip.

I was as miserable as a 33-year old could be – wondering what the hell i was doing with my life and gradually building anger and resentment at the people around me.

Its not the only time I’ve been miserable at work – there have actually been quite a few.

However stupid or short-sighted I may have been at getting myself into those situations – I’ll claim some credit – that I’m world-class at getting myself out.

Tom Peters has encouraged us to “fail fast” in business and in life and I’m going to claim a gold medal in that and encourage you to do the same.

Life really is too short to tolerate any situation, thing or relationship that sucks the passion out of you and makes your day a tedium.

No matter how much money is on the table, no matter what the risks, no matter how people gossip about you – fail fast and move on.

The next place has the possibility virus – it can rekindle your passion – and then you will become wonderful to be around again.

I love what I do right now, I’m passionate about the company, the people and the work – the hours and the travel are effortless and stress-free, it is a joy to be tired at the end of the day.

If you are reading this and don’t like what you do for a living – move on.

I seem to have spent a huge amount of time in the last 2 days talking about Lifecycle Marketing with the 7connections team, with strategic alliance partners and with clients.

That will continue today in Aviemore as the brief is to evolve their new patient lead generation and conversion results.

Yesterday afternoon Tim Caudrelier and Jon Barrow presented to me the work they have done so far on designing the 7connections software architecture for our bespoke and turnkey client solutions.

I was simultaneously blown away by the ability of the product to automate the Lifecycle process for our clients (as above) and also a very proud Dad, watching Jon navigate his way around Infusionsoft and explain to me things that I would love to be able to do (the technician) but know that I’ll never have the time (the entrepreneur).

At the moment, business coaching by Tim and myself is about 75% of our activity and will continue to be our passion.

However, as MagicBox and the 7connections Lifecycle Marketing products gather momentum, this will catapult us into a new phase of evolution and it will become a major attraction of working with us.

After many years as a solo-prenuer (and after numerous failed attempts) I’m beginning to see a scaleable business that doesn’t DEPEND on Chris Barrow but benefits hugely from his connections.

I predict that, in 3 years from now, we will be a very different company, providing a world-beating solution to our clients (marketing and sales automation – done for you) but that our core values and relationships will remain the same.

We live in exciting times.

This year is far from over for me. There is stormy weather ahead.

Yet 2014 has already been one of my best ever years, with The Island experience, the buzz around the TV show, two dental books published, 7connections booming and a real sense that I am part of a team who are building a scaleable business in coaching, marketing and lead generation.

Much to look forward to as well.

My calendar is as busy as I could have wished for, I’m meeting with lawyers later this week to discuss an exciting new book project, Annie and I have an amazing trip to Africa planned in August, and the vision we have for the business is compelling.

Even 2015 is beginning to take shape in some very interesting and different ways.

So why stormy weather?

Well the reality is that the shock waves from my previous and catastrophic business venture in 2012 are yet to pass – there is still water running under that bridge – and it is shark-infested. They have smelled my blood and want to attack. I intend to keep you posted on developments there – so stay tuned over the months ahead.

Having said all that – I am in perhaps the happiest place I’ve been for many years – happy with self, family, friends, colleagues and clients to an extent that fills me with a golden glow.

So the predators can hunt and snap – I feel impervious.

Last week I was sat in The Bunker, feeling sorry for myself with a head full of staples – and took the opportunity to re-connect with one of my oldest friends. 

Like all really best friends, we connect infrequently and yet pick up every time as if no more than a day or two has passed.

The big difference this time (we have known each other for 17 years) is that she is fighting breast cancer – has just finished chemo and is heading to radiotherapy next.

A young mother of two small children, a successful author and speaker with an international reputation in her field and a profitable growing business.

I listened to the story of her last 9 months, the challenges she has faced with an indomitable spirit – and I felt humbled by her courage, embarrassed at my own paltry injury and reminded that health, relationships and happiness are the only assets we have that are of any value.

My future challenges became nothing more than irritations.

It doesn’t matter how much money we accumulate, how many possessions we parade down the village street or how many places we lay our heads.

What matters most is the humanity we can show to each other.

I suspect that’s what I am so happy at the moment – because I’m doing what I love to do, when I love doing it, with the people I love being around.

Who could ask for more?

Bring on the storms – they will pass.